1 00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:06,533 Paula: MY SKIN IS MY JAIL. 2 00:00:06,533 --> 00:00:09,367 I REALLY DON'T HAVE A LIFE. 3 00:00:09,367 --> 00:00:13,200 I'M JUST TRAPPED, PERIOD. 4 00:00:18,233 --> 00:00:23,600 SOMETIMES, IT FEELS LIKE I'M DEAD, LIKE THAT I'M NOT ALIVE. 5 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:26,533 IF I COULD DO IT WITHOUT THE SURGERY, I WOULD HAVE DONE IT. 6 00:00:26,533 --> 00:00:28,500 MY WAY DOESN'T WORK. 7 00:00:35,967 --> 00:00:38,933 AND THIS IS A DYNAMIC THAT WE NEED TO CHANGE NOW. 8 00:00:38,933 --> 00:00:41,067 [ Voice breaking ] GET OUT! I'M DONE WITH THIS! 9 00:00:41,067 --> 00:00:42,300 I -- I QUIT! I'M DONE! 10 00:00:46,267 --> 00:00:49,167 OH, IT HURTS. 11 00:00:49,167 --> 00:00:51,233 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 12 00:00:51,233 --> 00:00:53,000 Woman: I CAN'T BE THE REASON YOU LOSE WEIGHT 13 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,633 OR THE REASON YOU GAIN WEIGHT, PERIOD. 14 00:00:54,633 --> 00:00:57,833 [ Voice breaking ] I'M GONNA MAKE THIS WORK. I PROMISE. 15 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:04,333 Paula: I'M ANGRY AT MYSELF BECAUSE I'D EXPECTED SOMETHING DIFFERENT. 16 00:01:04,333 --> 00:01:07,700 I CANNOT APPROVE YOUR SURGERY NOW. 17 00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:19,600 YOU CAN GET TO A PLACE WHERE HAPPINESS IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND. 18 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,900 AND IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL, 19 00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:25,667 THE NEXT IMPOSSIBLE THING TO FIND IS HOPE. 20 00:01:36,067 --> 00:01:38,067 [ WATER SPLASHING ] 21 00:01:38,067 --> 00:01:43,400 WHEN YOU LIVE LIFE THIS BIG, YOUR WEIGHT AFFECTS... 22 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:47,100 IT AFFECTS EVERYTHING. 23 00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:49,733 I'M HUGE. 24 00:01:49,733 --> 00:01:52,467 YOU KNOW, FORGET THAT I'M JUST OVERWEIGHT, 25 00:01:52,467 --> 00:01:56,067 BUT I LOOK LIKE A MONSTER. 26 00:01:56,067 --> 00:01:56,933 IT HURTS TO MOVE. 27 00:01:56,933 --> 00:01:57,933 IT HURTS TO WALK. 28 00:01:57,933 --> 00:01:59,767 IT HURTS TO DO JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING. 29 00:01:59,767 --> 00:02:03,967 ALL OF THE DAY-TO-DAY TASKS -- 30 00:02:03,967 --> 00:02:05,333 COOKING A MEAL, 31 00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:07,233 WALK MY DAUGHTER TO THE PLAYGROUND... 32 00:02:09,367 --> 00:02:12,533 ...ALL THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE TAKE FOR GRANTED 33 00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:14,667 ARE VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO DO. 34 00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:18,833 I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY THE WAY THAT I NEED TO. 35 00:02:18,833 --> 00:02:23,200 ALLERGY, SINUS, HEADACHE. 36 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,600 I HAVE FOUR CHILDREN. 37 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:28,800 THE KIDS REALLY ARE THE ONES WHO TAKE CARE OF THE HOUSE. 38 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,833 BYE. 39 00:02:30,833 --> 00:02:34,367 AT THIS WEIGHT, I AM HEAVILY DEPENDANT ON MY CHILDREN. 40 00:02:38,900 --> 00:02:41,667 SO, I HAVE TO PUT LOTION ON HER LEGS 41 00:02:41,667 --> 00:02:43,833 AND PUT HER SOCKS AND SHOES ON. 42 00:02:43,833 --> 00:02:48,400 IT FEELS LIKE SHE'S HANDICAPPED. 43 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:53,133 I DO FEEL LIKE I DO MORE THAN A TEENAGER SHOULD BE DOING. 44 00:02:57,100 --> 00:03:00,300 Paula: I AM A BURDEN TO MY CHILDREN. 45 00:03:01,967 --> 00:03:04,233 BUT I STILL HAVE TO GO OUT IN PUBLIC. 46 00:03:04,233 --> 00:03:05,900 I STILL HAVE TO DO THINGS. THEY STILL GET SEEN WITH ME. 47 00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:09,333 I DON'T WANT MY KIDS TO BE PICKED ON 48 00:03:09,333 --> 00:03:11,567 BECAUSE OF WHAT I LOOK LIKE. 49 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:15,067 I WANT TO PROTECT MY KIDS. 50 00:03:15,067 --> 00:03:19,233 ESPECIALLY WITH EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN THROUGH WITH MY CHILDHOOD. 51 00:03:21,833 --> 00:03:25,800 WHEN I WAS ABOUT 5 YEARS OLD, I WAS AVERAGE WEIGHT. 52 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:32,400 WHEN I WAS 6, I WAS MOLESTED BY A FAMILY MEMBER. 53 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,600 AND THAT'S REALLY WHAT STARTED MY WEIGHT GAIN. 54 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,933 I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I KNOW 55 00:03:37,933 --> 00:03:41,767 THAT'S THE SAME TIMEFRAME AS WHEN IT STARTED. 56 00:03:41,767 --> 00:03:45,433 FROM THEN ON, I WAS ALWAYS THE BIG KID. 57 00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:47,633 MY NICKNAME WAS "PUDGE." 58 00:03:47,633 --> 00:03:50,333 I WAS ALWAYS, YOU KNOW, BIGGER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE, 59 00:03:50,333 --> 00:03:51,767 FATTER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE. 60 00:03:51,767 --> 00:03:57,200 GAINING THAT WEIGHT, YOU DO BUILD A BARRIER. 61 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,767 PEOPLE, THEY'RE LESS ABLE TO HURT YOU 62 00:03:59,767 --> 00:04:01,800 BECAUSE THEY CAN'T GET TO YOU. 63 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,967 BY THE TIME I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL, 64 00:04:04,967 --> 00:04:07,100 I WAS PROBABLY ABOUT 220. 65 00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:10,433 AND THEN PRETTY MUCH ALL THE WEIGHT AFTER THAT 66 00:04:10,433 --> 00:04:11,900 CAME WITH EACH KID. 67 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:16,133 50 POUNDS WITH EACH KID. 68 00:04:19,233 --> 00:04:22,667 I WISH THAT I HAD BEEN TAUGHT THAT FOOD LITERALLY WAS FUEL, 69 00:04:22,667 --> 00:04:24,567 THAT THIS IS WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR BODY TO MAKE IT GO. 70 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,067 BUT I DON'T EAT JUST FOR FUEL. 71 00:04:29,067 --> 00:04:30,633 I EAT FOR ENJOYMENT. 72 00:04:30,633 --> 00:04:34,233 IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO EAT. 73 00:04:38,067 --> 00:04:40,533 I MEAN, I LOVE FOOD. 74 00:04:40,533 --> 00:04:42,267 I DON'T JUST LIKE FOOD. I LOVE FOOD. 75 00:04:42,267 --> 00:04:44,633 I HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD. 76 00:04:44,633 --> 00:04:46,133 WHEN IT TASTES GOOD, 77 00:04:46,133 --> 00:04:50,133 YOU GET THIS FEELING THAT IT'S LIKE A HAPPY PLACE. 78 00:04:50,133 --> 00:04:54,933 WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE SUPPORT OF PEOPLE OR FAMILY MEMBERS, 79 00:04:54,933 --> 00:04:57,267 FOOD WAS STILL THERE. 80 00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:04,133 FOOD DOESN'T HURT YOU EMOTIONALLY. 81 00:05:04,133 --> 00:05:06,067 IT DOES HURT YOU PHYSICALLY, 82 00:05:06,067 --> 00:05:07,800 BUT IT DOESN'T HURT YOU EMOTIONALLY. 83 00:05:10,267 --> 00:05:14,400 FOOD HAS DEFINITELY BEEN THERE WHEN PEOPLE HAVE NOT. 84 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:21,767 WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, YOU EXPECT THAT YOU'LL GROW OLD TOGETHER. 85 00:05:21,767 --> 00:05:27,867 YOU DON'T EXPECT YOUR HUSBAND'S GONNA DIE AT 33. 86 00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:37,733 THIS IS -- THIS IS ALAN. 87 00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:44,200 HE WAS OVER 600 POUNDS. 88 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,633 HIS KIDNEYS WEREN'T FUNCTIONING CORRECTLY, 89 00:05:46,633 --> 00:05:48,200 AND HIS KIDNEYS WERE AFFECTING HIS HEART, 90 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:49,833 AND HIS HEART WASN'T FUNCTIONING CORRECTLY. 91 00:05:49,833 --> 00:05:53,567 HIS HEALTH GOT WORSE AND WORSE. 92 00:05:53,567 --> 00:05:56,933 AND WHEN HIS HEART STOPPED, WE COULDN'T RESUSCITATE HIM. 93 00:05:56,933 --> 00:06:01,200 THAT WAS IT. 94 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:07,067 MY HUSBAND BEING OVERWEIGHT, THAT'S WHAT KILLED HIM. 95 00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,433 HE LIVED IN THE -- 96 00:06:08,433 --> 00:06:11,167 IT'S BEEN ALMOST A YEAR SINCE HE HASN'T BEEN HERE, 97 00:06:11,167 --> 00:06:14,067 AND I DON'T THINK THAT I'M FAR BEHIND HIM. 98 00:06:14,067 --> 00:06:18,067 I KNOW IT AFFECTS MY KIDS. 99 00:06:18,067 --> 00:06:19,600 THEY JUST LOST THEIR DAD. 100 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,433 [ CHUCKLES ] 101 00:06:21,433 --> 00:06:23,567 MY 8-YEAR-OLD, SHE'S SAID IT. 102 00:06:23,567 --> 00:06:25,200 "MOMMY, I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE." 103 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,733 IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN. AMEN. 104 00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:42,067 GET SOME SPINACH. 105 00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:43,100 IT'S REALLY GOOD. 106 00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:45,733 I WANT TO BE PART OF THEIR LIVES. 107 00:06:45,733 --> 00:06:48,100 I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. 108 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:51,767 IF I DON'T DO IT, I'M NOT GONNA BE ALIVE. 109 00:07:02,733 --> 00:07:04,633 THE REASON I'M HERE 110 00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:08,767 IS TO SEE ABOUT GETTING THE GASTRIC BYPASS. 111 00:07:08,767 --> 00:07:11,300 I HAVEN'T BEEN SUCCESSFUL IN WHAT I'VE DONE 112 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:12,900 IN TRYING TO LOSE THE WEIGHT 113 00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:16,633 AND MOVE FORWARD AND GET OUT OF THIS BODY I'M IN. 114 00:07:16,633 --> 00:07:19,767 MY EXPECTATIONS FOR TODAY 115 00:07:19,767 --> 00:07:23,067 IS TO FIND OUT IF I'M A CANDIDATE FOR THE SURGERY. 116 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:24,733 HOPEFULLY IT'S A YES. 117 00:07:24,733 --> 00:07:26,100 JONES? 118 00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:31,067 IF NOT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO. 119 00:07:38,433 --> 00:07:41,067 I'M EMBARRASSED BY MY WEIGHT. 120 00:07:41,067 --> 00:07:46,833 SO, WHAT SEEMS TO BE YOUR CHALLENGES TO LOSE WEIGHT? 121 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:50,900 UM, NOT EATING AND THEN EATING LATE IS PROBABLY MOST OF IT. 122 00:07:50,900 --> 00:07:53,333 AND THEN, I LIKE CARBOHYDRATES. 123 00:07:53,333 --> 00:07:55,800 AND I DON'T EXERCISE A LOT. 124 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:59,133 HOW DO YOU THINK SURGERY'S GONNA CHANGE THAT? 125 00:07:59,133 --> 00:08:02,133 UM, SURGERY'S NOT GONNA CHANGE MY DIET. 126 00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:04,833 SURGERY WILL ALLOW ME TO START TO LOSE THE WEIGHT 127 00:08:04,833 --> 00:08:08,067 SO I CAN EXERCISE MORE, SO THAT I CAN THEN LOSE THE WEIGHT. 128 00:08:08,067 --> 00:08:10,667 BUT I THINK THIS IS A WHOLE LIFESTYLE CHANGE. 129 00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:13,333 FOR ME, IT'S A STEP TOWARDS THE LIFESTYLE CHANGE. 130 00:08:13,333 --> 00:08:16,367 IT'S NOT GONNA DO IT BY ITSELF. IT'S NOT GONNA DO IT BY ITSELF. 131 00:08:16,367 --> 00:08:20,333 Dr. Nowzaradan: PAULA SEEMS TO HAVE THE RIGHT ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING, 132 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:26,133 BUT SHE DOES NOT SEEM TO APPLY THOSE TO HER WEIGHT LOSS. 133 00:08:26,133 --> 00:08:29,067 WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO IMPLEMENT THOSE LIFE CHANGES 134 00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:30,733 BEFORE SURGERY. 135 00:08:30,733 --> 00:08:33,833 SO, WE'RE GONNA CHANGE YOUR EATING HABIT NOW, 136 00:08:33,833 --> 00:08:37,067 AND WE'RE GONNA SEE IF THAT WILL WORK FOR YOU. 137 00:08:37,067 --> 00:08:41,100 YOU HAVE TO LOSE 20 POUNDS ON YOUR OWN NEXT MONTH. 138 00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:42,067 ANY QUESTIONS? 139 00:08:42,067 --> 00:08:43,233 NO. 140 00:08:43,233 --> 00:08:45,400 ALL RIGHT. 141 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,167 SHE NEEDS TO APPLY HERSELF 142 00:08:47,167 --> 00:08:50,433 AND SHOW ME THAT SHE CAN MAKE LIFESTYLE CHANGES. 143 00:08:50,433 --> 00:08:53,333 OTHERWISE, SURGERY WOULD NOT BE ANY HELP TO PAULA. 144 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:57,933 SOMETIMES, THE PATIENTS THAT HAVE RIGHT ANSWERS 145 00:08:57,933 --> 00:09:00,867 HAVE THE HARDEST TIME LOSING WEIGHT. 146 00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:07,600 IT'S NOT AS SIMPLE AS KNOWING WHAT THE RIGHT ANSWER IS. 147 00:09:12,767 --> 00:09:16,933 Paula: YOUR LIFE ISN'T A MATTER OF CHANCE, IT'S A MATTER OF CHOICE. 148 00:09:16,933 --> 00:09:21,433 ONCE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, YOU CAN START TO LIVE. 149 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:27,867 Paula: MAD! Madison: WHAT? 150 00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:29,233 COME HERE, PLEASE. 151 00:09:29,233 --> 00:09:30,533 DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO GO IN HERE? 152 00:09:30,533 --> 00:09:31,933 YEAH. 153 00:09:31,933 --> 00:09:35,100 Paula: IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS SINCE I'VE GONE TO THE DOCTOR. 154 00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:39,500 I'M JUST TRYING TO STICK TO MY DIET, BUT IT'S HARD. 155 00:09:41,067 --> 00:09:43,533 THE DOCTOR IS HESITANT TO DO THE SURGERY 156 00:09:43,533 --> 00:09:45,767 ON PEOPLE THAT HE CAN'T CHECK UP ON. 157 00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:49,867 I'VE DECIDED IF I'M GOING TO DEDICATE MYSELF TO THIS 158 00:09:49,867 --> 00:09:51,333 THAT I NEED TO MOVE TO HOUSTON 159 00:09:51,333 --> 00:09:53,333 TO BE CLOSER TO DR. NOWZARADAN'S OFFICE 160 00:09:53,333 --> 00:09:55,067 AND INCREASE MY CHANCES 161 00:09:55,067 --> 00:09:58,333 OF BEING MORE SUCCESSFUL IN MY WEIGHT LOSS. 162 00:09:58,333 --> 00:10:00,767 BUT FIRST, I NEED TO SAY GOODBYE TO ALAN'S FAMILY 163 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:01,667 HERE IN ATLANTA. 164 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:03,833 AND WE'RE GOING TO HAVE 165 00:10:03,833 --> 00:10:07,367 HAMBURGERS AND HOT DOGS AND BARBECUE CHICKEN. 166 00:10:09,333 --> 00:10:10,667 I LIKE HAMBURGERS, TOO. 167 00:10:10,667 --> 00:10:13,933 ALAN AND I HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR A REALLY LONG TIME. 168 00:10:13,933 --> 00:10:18,900 SINCE ALAN PASSED, HIS FAMILY HAS BECOME MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. 169 00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:21,233 I'M REALLY GOING TO MISS THEM. 170 00:10:21,233 --> 00:10:24,533 HEY, PAULA. 171 00:10:24,533 --> 00:10:26,933 PART OF HOW I'VE GOTTEN TO MY WEIGHT 172 00:10:26,933 --> 00:10:30,867 IS BECAUSE I USE FOOD TO BRING ME HAPPINESS. 173 00:10:30,867 --> 00:10:37,733 OKAY, WE'VE GOT CHICKEN AND, UM, HOT DOGS AND HAMBURGERS. 174 00:10:37,733 --> 00:10:42,333 EVERY TIME THAT THERE'S AN EVENT OR A FAMILY GATHERING, 175 00:10:42,333 --> 00:10:44,200 WE HAVE LOTS OF FOOD. 176 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,700 I ASSOCIATE FOOD WITH EVERY GOOD MOMENT. 177 00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:49,867 IT'S GONNA BE HARD TO BREAK THAT HABIT. 178 00:10:53,433 --> 00:10:55,567 PAULA, ARE YOU -- YOU GETTING EXCITED? 179 00:10:55,567 --> 00:10:57,833 I AM. 180 00:10:57,833 --> 00:10:59,400 I'LL BE BETTER AFTER THIS DRIVE IS OVER 181 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,333 AND WE GOT A PLACE TO STAY. 182 00:11:01,333 --> 00:11:03,167 I'M EXCITED FOR YOU GUYS. 183 00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:05,400 YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART 184 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:08,300 THIS IS SOMETHING THAT ALAN WANTS YOU TO DO. 185 00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:09,433 ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT IT, PAULA? 186 00:11:09,433 --> 00:11:11,567 YEAH. 187 00:11:11,567 --> 00:11:12,800 ARE YOU TRYING NOT TO CRY? 188 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,500 I'M SORRY. THAT'S OKAY. 189 00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:17,333 YEAH, THIS MOVE IS WEIRD WITHOUT HIM. 190 00:11:17,333 --> 00:11:18,767 YEAH. 191 00:11:18,767 --> 00:11:23,667 MOVING AWAY FOR BOTH ME AND MY KIDS IS GONNA BE VERY DIFFICULT. 192 00:11:23,667 --> 00:11:25,800 HOWEVER, I KNOW THAT IF I DON'T MAKE THE CHANGE 193 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,933 AND MOVE TO HOUSTON, 194 00:11:27,933 --> 00:11:30,533 I'M GOING TO END UP JUST LIKE ALAN. 195 00:11:30,533 --> 00:11:33,467 WHEN YOU ASK IF I'M GONNA MISS YOU GUYS... 196 00:11:33,467 --> 00:11:35,300 YOU GUYS REALLY HAD MY BACK, 197 00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:37,700 YOU DID THINGS THAT WHAT I KNOW NOW, 198 00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:39,400 A FAMILY'S SUPPOSED TO DO. 199 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,900 SO, TO GO TO HOUSTON AND NOT HAVE ANYONE THERE, 200 00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:42,900 YEAH, IT'S SCARY. 201 00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:45,800 BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT IT'S TIME. 202 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,100 MM-HMM. 203 00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:48,600 IT'S TIME. MM-HMM. 204 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,600 I KNOW THIS IS WHAT ALAN WANTED ME TO DO. 205 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:02,500 I WON'T BE HERE IF I DON'T MAKE THIS CHANGE. 206 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:06,100 HOPEFULLY I GET APPROVED FOR THE WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY. 207 00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:18,067 MS. JONES? 208 00:12:18,067 --> 00:12:23,333 I'VE BEEN WORKING HARD THIS PAST MONTH TO LOSE WEIGHT. 209 00:12:23,333 --> 00:12:26,967 I HOPE THAT I'M APPROVED FOR SURGERY THIS TIME. 210 00:12:35,933 --> 00:12:37,367 THAT'S NOT GOOD. 211 00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:42,067 I THOUGHT THE NUMBER WOULD BE LOWER. 212 00:12:42,067 --> 00:12:46,433 IT'S A REAL SHOCK TO SEE THE WEIGHT GAIN. 213 00:12:50,333 --> 00:12:56,067 SO, YOU MANAGED TO GAIN 17. 214 00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:57,833 YEAH. 215 00:12:57,833 --> 00:13:00,367 WHAT PRECIPITATED THAT? 216 00:13:00,367 --> 00:13:02,967 I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY. 217 00:13:02,967 --> 00:13:05,200 I MEAN, I KNOW MY LEGS ARE FILLED UP WITH FLUID RIGHT NOW. 218 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,533 AND BECAUSE I WAS MOVING HERE, 219 00:13:07,533 --> 00:13:10,067 WE'VE NOT EATEN THE FOODS THAT WE NORMALLY WERE EATING 220 00:13:10,067 --> 00:13:11,600 THAT YOU HAD ME EATING. 221 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:14,833 WELL, THERE'S NO WAY THIS IS GONNA BE 222 00:13:14,833 --> 00:13:19,600 A SUCCESSFUL WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY WITH YOUR MAKING EXCUSES. 223 00:13:24,633 --> 00:13:28,300 YOU CLEARLY, CLEARLY HAVE EATING DISORDER. 224 00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:31,933 I CANNOT APPROVE YOUR SURGERY NOW. 225 00:13:31,933 --> 00:13:36,133 PAULA KNOWS WHAT TO DO, BUT SHE'S MAKING EXCUSES. 226 00:13:36,133 --> 00:13:38,067 THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT 227 00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,767 THAT YOU'RE IN THE SAME DETERMINATION IN SURGERY. 228 00:13:40,767 --> 00:13:44,533 UNLESS YOU CHANGE YOUR FRAME OF MIND, 229 00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:48,767 YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO WELL WITH THIS SURGERY. 230 00:13:48,767 --> 00:13:51,133 I DO. 231 00:13:51,133 --> 00:13:54,967 AND IT LOOKS LIKE I HAVE A CREATURE GROWING IN MY STOMACH. 232 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,767 Dr. Nowzaradan: BUT PAULA IS NOT READY FOR SURGERY. 233 00:14:04,767 --> 00:14:08,900 WE NEED TO PUT YOU ON A LIQUID DIET, OKAY? 234 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:10,333 Paula: OKAY. 235 00:14:18,767 --> 00:14:22,700 SO, THE CLOCK IS RUNNING NOW. 236 00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:24,833 OKAY. 237 00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:31,100 I'M ANGRY AT MYSELF BECAUSE I'D EXPECTED SOMETHING DIFFERENT. 238 00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:33,567 BUT I THINK I AGREE WITH HIM. 239 00:14:33,567 --> 00:14:36,100 I THINK IT IS A FOOD DISORDER. 240 00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:39,967 IT'S ACTUALLY A RELIEF TO HEAR SOMEBODY ELSE SAY IT. 241 00:14:39,967 --> 00:14:41,400 MY HUSBAND USED TO SAY 242 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,367 THAT STUFF ONLY HAPPENS TO YOU THAT YOU LET HAPPEN TO YOU. 243 00:14:44,367 --> 00:14:46,933 OBVIOUSLY WHAT I'M DOING IS NOT WORKING, 244 00:14:46,933 --> 00:14:49,367 SO I NEED A DIFFERENT PLAN OF ACTION. 245 00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,767 MAD, ARE YOU HAVING THIS WITH US? 246 00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:03,500 Madison: ARE YOU GONNA MAKE ME ONE? 247 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:07,067 THE DRINKING LIQUIDS ALL DAY 248 00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:09,733 IS THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER HAD TO DO. 249 00:15:09,733 --> 00:15:12,933 THERE'S STILL THINGS WHEN I SMELL THEM OR SEE THEM, 250 00:15:12,933 --> 00:15:14,333 I WANT THEM. 251 00:15:14,333 --> 00:15:17,900 WHEN THE KIDS WANT TO HAVE CHIPS OR ICE CREAM OR SOMETHING, 252 00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,067 I WANT SOME, TOO. 253 00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:20,600 WHAT FLAVOR IS THERE? 254 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,433 THERE'S BEEF WITH COUNTRY VEGETABLES. 255 00:15:22,433 --> 00:15:24,767 I'M SICK OF DRINKING LIQUIDS. 256 00:15:24,767 --> 00:15:28,267 YOGURT FOR BREAKFAST, SOUP FOR LUNCH, SOUP FOR DINNER. 257 00:15:28,267 --> 00:15:31,433 SOUP, SOUP, AND MORE SOUP. 258 00:15:31,433 --> 00:15:34,333 EATING SOUP FOR EVERY MEAL IS HARD TO DO. 259 00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:37,667 I DON'T KNOW THAT I REALIZED 260 00:15:37,667 --> 00:15:41,267 HOW DIFFICULT THIS PROCESS WAS GOING TO BE. 261 00:15:41,267 --> 00:15:43,433 BUT AT THIS POINT, I HAVE TO DO IT. 262 00:15:43,433 --> 00:15:45,267 I'VE GOT TO GET THE WEIGHT OFF. 263 00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:54,267 SO, TODAY WE'RE GOING TO DR. NOW'S OFFICE 264 00:15:54,267 --> 00:15:55,533 TO GET A FOLLOW-UP. 265 00:15:55,533 --> 00:15:58,767 I FEEL LIKE I DID WELL. 266 00:15:58,767 --> 00:16:00,667 I STUCK TO WHAT HE HAD ASKED, 267 00:16:00,667 --> 00:16:03,067 BUT THAT'S WHAT I SAID THE LAST TIME. 268 00:16:03,067 --> 00:16:04,533 MS. JONES? 269 00:16:04,533 --> 00:16:07,667 I'VE UPROOTED MY WHOLE FAMILY TO GET THIS SECOND CHANCE. 270 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:10,800 SO, I'M HOPING I'VE ACTUALLY LOST SOME WEIGHT 271 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:14,800 BECAUSE IF I'M NOT APPROVED FOR SURGERY, 272 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,467 I MOVED TO HOUSTON FOR NOTHING. 273 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,367 Woman: MS. JONES? 274 00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:28,533 HI. 275 00:16:28,533 --> 00:16:30,300 I'M REALLY NERVOUS. 276 00:16:30,300 --> 00:16:34,067 I'VE UPROOTED MY WHOLE FAMILY TO GET THIS SECOND CHANCE. 277 00:16:34,067 --> 00:16:38,667 SO, I'M HOPING I'VE ACTUALLY LOST SOME WEIGHT. 278 00:16:44,967 --> 00:16:46,233 I'M PROUD OF MYSELF. 279 00:16:46,233 --> 00:16:48,500 [ CHUCKLES ] 280 00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:50,133 WOW! 281 00:16:50,133 --> 00:16:51,967 Dr. Nowzaradan: VERY GOOD. YOU LOST 30 POUNDS. 282 00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:54,467 YOU READY FOR YOUR SURGERY? YES. 283 00:16:54,467 --> 00:16:58,633 I'M PLANNING TO GET US SCHEDULED FOR NEXT WEEK OR SO. 284 00:16:58,633 --> 00:17:01,600 UNTIL THEN, YOU NEED TO GO AHEAD 285 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:05,067 AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU FOLLOW YOUR DIET. 286 00:17:05,067 --> 00:17:08,367 I'M HOPING YOU'LL LOSE ANOTHER 15, 20 POUNDS. 287 00:17:08,367 --> 00:17:09,767 THAT'S GREAT. 288 00:17:09,767 --> 00:17:12,633 Dr. Nowzaradan: I'M GLAD TO SEE PAULA LOSING 30 POUNDS 289 00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:15,367 AFTER HER WAKE-UP CALL OF GAINING 17 POUNDS. 290 00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:20,433 I THINK SHE GOT THE IDEA THAT SHE CAN DO IT, 291 00:17:20,433 --> 00:17:22,233 BUT STILL, I HAVE TO WATCH HER, 292 00:17:22,233 --> 00:17:24,267 SO AFTER SURGERY, WE'LL MAKE SURE 293 00:17:24,267 --> 00:17:26,600 SHE'LL CONTINUE WITH HER EATING HABITS. 294 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:30,067 Paula: THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. 295 00:17:30,067 --> 00:17:32,733 THINGS ARE FINALLY GOING TO CHANGE FOR ME. 296 00:17:32,733 --> 00:17:33,833 WHOO-HOO! 297 00:17:33,833 --> 00:17:35,467 I'M FINALLY GONNA GET THE OPPORTUNITY 298 00:17:35,467 --> 00:17:37,067 TO TRY TO GET THIS WEIGHT OFF. 299 00:17:37,067 --> 00:17:40,767 I'M READY TO CHANGE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE. 300 00:17:43,667 --> 00:17:46,600 I'M EXCITED I CAN GET THE WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY, 301 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:51,133 AND I WANT A NEW BEGINNING. 302 00:17:51,133 --> 00:17:54,267 I WANT A TOTAL TRANSFORMATION. 303 00:17:54,267 --> 00:17:56,733 AND I'M GONNA START THE PROCESS RIGHT NOW. 304 00:17:56,733 --> 00:17:59,233 WE'RE GOING TO DYE MY HAIR, 305 00:17:59,233 --> 00:18:01,533 AND IT'S GOING TO BE THE FIRST PHYSICAL CHANGE. 306 00:18:01,533 --> 00:18:04,300 I WANTED BRIGHT SHOCK GREEN, LIKE LIME, 307 00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:06,167 LIKE GLOW-IN-THE-DARK GREEN. 308 00:18:06,167 --> 00:18:08,667 [ LAUGHS ] 309 00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:10,533 I USED TO LIKE CHANGING MY HAIR 310 00:18:10,533 --> 00:18:14,567 BECAUSE IT MADE PEOPLE NOT LOOK AT MY BODY. 311 00:18:18,300 --> 00:18:20,600 WHOO! [ LAUGHS ] 312 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,267 BUT NOW, IT SYMBOLIZES TO ME THE DEATH OF THE OLD PAULA 313 00:18:23,267 --> 00:18:26,833 AND THE BIRTH OF THE NEW ONE. 314 00:18:26,833 --> 00:18:32,133 SURGERY IS RISKY, AND I'M NERVOUS ABOUT IT. 315 00:18:32,133 --> 00:18:36,233 BUT I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR MY FAMILY. 316 00:18:36,233 --> 00:18:37,967 [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] 317 00:18:37,967 --> 00:18:40,767 [ CHUCKLES ] AWESOME! 318 00:18:40,767 --> 00:18:43,200 AND I'M READY TO DO IT NOW. 319 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:57,167 THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL 320 00:18:57,167 --> 00:18:58,800 SINCE ALAN PASSED AWAY. 321 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,400 SO, WHERE DO WE GO? 322 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:04,400 I'M REALLY SCARED. 323 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,367 WHEN ALAN PASSED AWAY, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A WAKE-UP CALL. 324 00:19:07,367 --> 00:19:12,100 BUT IT WASN'T. 325 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:15,733 I KNOW THIS IS WHAT ALAN WOULD WANT ME TO DO. 326 00:19:15,733 --> 00:19:20,600 HE WOULDN'T WANT ME TO LEAVE OUR CHILDREN WITHOUT ANY PARENTS. 327 00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:24,133 HE WOULD HAVE WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN. 328 00:19:59,667 --> 00:20:01,900 KIND OF ANXIOUS, WAITING. 329 00:20:20,367 --> 00:20:21,400 Dr. Nowzaradan: OKAY. 330 00:20:28,500 --> 00:20:31,300 1, 2, AND 3. 331 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,533 [ GROANING SOFTLY ] 332 00:20:36,533 --> 00:20:38,067 Man: WATCH YOUR BACK. 333 00:20:41,767 --> 00:20:43,400 YOU ALL RIGHT, MAMA? 334 00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:47,633 Madison: I'M HAPPY. 335 00:20:50,567 --> 00:20:52,500 BUT IT'S KINDA SCARY. 336 00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:56,033 I REMEMBER SEEING MY DAD LIKE THIS IN THE HOSPITAL. 337 00:20:56,033 --> 00:20:59,033 I NEED MY MOM. 338 00:20:59,033 --> 00:21:01,900 I NEED HER TO BE HERE FOR ME. 339 00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,567 Paula: IT IS MY DINNER. 340 00:21:09,567 --> 00:21:16,333 EATING AFTER SURGERY HAS BEEN NEXT TO NOTHING. 341 00:21:16,333 --> 00:21:18,300 I REALLY DON'T HAVE AN APPETITE. 342 00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:19,867 NOTHING TASTES THE SAME. 343 00:21:19,867 --> 00:21:25,300 AND EVERYTHING I SMELL MAKES ME NAUSEOUS. 344 00:21:25,300 --> 00:21:27,533 I DON'T FEEL GOOD AT ALL. 345 00:21:27,533 --> 00:21:31,900 MY STOMACH HURTS REALLY, REALLY BAD. 346 00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:34,833 IT JUST HURTS. 347 00:21:34,833 --> 00:21:37,867 I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS. 348 00:21:44,100 --> 00:21:46,133 [ CHUCKLES ] 349 00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:47,400 THIS IS GONNA BE HARD. 350 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:48,933 I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO. 351 00:21:48,933 --> 00:21:52,733 DR. NOW'S DONE THAT HE'S ABLE TO DO FOR ME 352 00:21:52,733 --> 00:21:55,267 TO GIVE ME THAT KICK START. 353 00:21:55,267 --> 00:21:59,433 NOW THE REST OF IT IS REALLY UP TO ME. 354 00:21:59,433 --> 00:22:03,067 FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. 355 00:22:08,567 --> 00:22:11,233 WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO THAT. 356 00:22:11,233 --> 00:22:13,167 Madison: I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, TOO. 357 00:22:13,167 --> 00:22:15,900 BYE, MOM. BYE, BABY. 358 00:22:15,900 --> 00:22:19,367 Paula: I'VE TURNED TO FOOD MY WHOLE LIFE, 359 00:22:19,367 --> 00:22:21,967 AND THE THOUGHT OF FOOD STILL MAKES ME HAPPY. 360 00:22:21,967 --> 00:22:27,633 CAN I HAVE A NUMBER 1 WITH TWO RANCH SAUCES AND A CUP OF WATER? 361 00:22:28,967 --> 00:22:30,967 SOMETHING SMELLS GOOD. 362 00:22:30,967 --> 00:22:32,800 THANK YOU. YOU, TOO. 363 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:34,300 I HAVE TO ADMIT, NOT GETTING SOMETHING FOR MYSELF 364 00:22:34,300 --> 00:22:36,633 IS A NEW EXPERIENCE. 365 00:22:36,633 --> 00:22:39,667 MY FAMILY AND I HAVE BEEN EATING FAST FOOD OUR WHOLE LIVES. 366 00:22:39,667 --> 00:22:43,800 IT'S GONNA BE HARD TO CHANGE ALL OF THOSE HABITS. 367 00:22:46,767 --> 00:22:49,333 WHAT IS YOUR NAME, MA'AM? 368 00:22:49,333 --> 00:22:50,733 OKAY, EXCELLENT. 369 00:22:50,733 --> 00:22:54,200 I'M TRYING TO GET BACK INTO THE SWING OF LIFE AFTER SURGERY. 370 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,133 AND EATING RIGHT HAS BEEN A CHALLENGE. 371 00:22:57,133 --> 00:23:00,467 I JUST GOT A JOB AS A DISPATCHER FOR A MOVING COMPANY. 372 00:23:00,467 --> 00:23:02,767 THANK YOU, YOU, TOO. BYE-BYE. 373 00:23:02,767 --> 00:23:07,933 BUT I'M STUCK AT A COMPUTER EIGHT HOURS A DAY. 374 00:23:07,933 --> 00:23:13,333 I'M TRYING TO STAY WITHIN THE CONFINES 375 00:23:13,333 --> 00:23:17,300 OF WHAT DR. NOW'S OKAY WITH, BUT IT'S HARD. 376 00:23:23,267 --> 00:23:26,767 EVEN AFTER HAVING WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY, 377 00:23:26,767 --> 00:23:29,967 THERE ARE STILL SOME THINGS THAT I WILL INDULGE IN. 378 00:23:29,967 --> 00:23:32,400 THERE'S STILL FOODS THAT I WANT TO EAT 379 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,600 THAT I KNOW AREN'T GOOD FOR ME. 380 00:23:44,233 --> 00:23:47,100 I THINK I'VE DONE WELL THIS PAST MONTH. 381 00:23:47,100 --> 00:23:49,967 I HAVEN'T MADE ALWAYS THE BEST CHOICES, 382 00:23:49,967 --> 00:23:52,933 BUT I'VE REALLY TRIED HARD, AND I THINK I'LL DO WELL. 383 00:23:57,467 --> 00:24:01,200 Woman: OKAY. YOU LOST 10 POUNDS. 384 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,767 I KNEW I'D LOST WEIGHT. 385 00:24:03,767 --> 00:24:05,800 CAN'T SAY THAT I'M NECESSARILY ECSTATIC, 386 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,100 BUT I'M NOT UPSET, EITHER. 387 00:24:07,100 --> 00:24:09,100 HOW ARE YOU? 388 00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:12,367 Paula: I'M GOOD. HOW ARE YOU? 389 00:24:12,367 --> 00:24:15,367 ALL RIGHT. SO, HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING SINCE YOU GOT HOME? 390 00:24:15,367 --> 00:24:19,267 GOOD. I'M ABLE TO WALK FARTHER, STAND LONGER. 391 00:24:19,267 --> 00:24:21,867 YOU ONLY LOST 10 POUNDS. WHAT ARE YOU EATING NOW? 392 00:24:21,867 --> 00:24:23,233 MASHED POTATOES. 393 00:24:23,233 --> 00:24:24,467 MASHED POTATO? 394 00:24:24,467 --> 00:24:26,967 THERE'S NO PROTEIN IN MASHED POTATOES. 395 00:24:26,967 --> 00:24:28,500 NO, THERE'S NOT. 396 00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:31,367 YOUR WEIGHT LOSS HAS NOT BEEN SIGNIFICANT. 397 00:24:31,367 --> 00:24:35,067 Dr. Nowzaradan: PAULA IS HAVING SLOW PROGRESS. 398 00:24:35,067 --> 00:24:38,600 WE NEED TO ADDRESS THE MENTALITY OF THE FOOD, 399 00:24:38,600 --> 00:24:40,900 OTHERWISE IT WON'T BE TOO LONG 400 00:24:40,900 --> 00:24:43,767 BEFORE PAULA STARTS GAINING WEIGHT. 401 00:24:43,767 --> 00:24:47,367 I WANT YOU TO CHANGE TO SOMETHING MORE NUTRITIONAL 402 00:24:47,367 --> 00:24:51,267 THAT HAS PROTEIN IN IT, LIKE YOGURT. 403 00:24:51,267 --> 00:24:55,133 I'M HOPING THAT YOU'RE GONNA DROP MORE RAPIDLY, SOME WEIGHT. 404 00:24:55,133 --> 00:24:57,400 OKAY. OKAY. 405 00:25:00,700 --> 00:25:03,100 Paula: I THOUGHT I WAS DOING BETTER. 406 00:25:03,100 --> 00:25:06,433 I'VE DONE EVERYTHING HE'S ASKED ME TO DO. 407 00:25:06,433 --> 00:25:10,200 I'M FEELING VERY FRUSTRATED. 408 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:12,633 IT'S NOT WORKING. 409 00:25:18,167 --> 00:25:20,067 Paula: WHEN EVERYONE'S PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU, 410 00:25:20,067 --> 00:25:23,867 THE PRESSURE TO SUCCEED IS EPIC. 411 00:25:33,900 --> 00:25:36,567 I'VE DECIDED TO GO TO ATLANTA, 412 00:25:36,567 --> 00:25:38,133 AND WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE SAVANNAH'S 9th BIRTHDAY 413 00:25:38,133 --> 00:25:39,200 WITH HER FAMILY. 414 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:41,267 IT'LL BE NICE TO SEE EVERYONE AGAIN. 415 00:25:43,100 --> 00:25:46,133 WHEW! THAT'S GOT A LINE TODAY. 416 00:25:46,133 --> 00:25:49,400 IT'S DIFFICULT ON THE ROAD TO EAT PROPERLY. 417 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:50,967 THE BEST OPTION IS FAST FOOD. 418 00:25:50,967 --> 00:25:52,500 CAN YOU GET ME THE NUMBER 8? 419 00:25:52,500 --> 00:25:55,867 I NEED TWO SAUSAGE BISCUIT MEALS. 420 00:25:55,867 --> 00:26:00,700 THERE AREN'T A LOT OF HEALTHY OPTIONS AT DRIVE-THROUGHS. 421 00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:03,767 BUT MY KIDS HAVE TO EAT. 422 00:26:03,767 --> 00:26:08,067 I KNOW I'M EATING FOODS THAT I SHOULDN'T, 423 00:26:08,067 --> 00:26:11,267 BUT TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING DR. NOW IS OKAY WITH 424 00:26:11,267 --> 00:26:12,933 CAN BE KIND OF DIFFICULT. 425 00:26:14,700 --> 00:26:17,833 ALL I CAN DO IS KEEP WORKING TOWARDS MY GOAL. 426 00:26:29,233 --> 00:26:31,067 IT'S NICE TO SEE MY FAMILY. 427 00:26:31,067 --> 00:26:34,100 BUT IT'S A LONG DRIVE, AND I'M TRIED AND I'M HUNGRY. 428 00:26:34,100 --> 00:26:36,833 ARE THESE LEMON PEPPER? 429 00:26:36,833 --> 00:26:40,067 YEAH. THAT ONE IS. 430 00:26:40,067 --> 00:26:42,733 OH. 431 00:26:50,733 --> 00:26:52,933 TWO CHICKEN WINGS, A TEASPOON OF COLESLAW, 432 00:26:52,933 --> 00:26:55,233 A TEASPOON OF POTATO SALAD, 433 00:26:55,233 --> 00:26:56,733 AND PROBABLY A TABLESPOON OF SQUASH. 434 00:26:56,733 --> 00:26:58,567 HOW COME YOU DON'T EAT IT A LITTLE BIT SLOWER? 435 00:26:58,567 --> 00:26:59,733 I WAS HUNGRY. 436 00:26:59,733 --> 00:27:01,667 MNH. 437 00:27:01,667 --> 00:27:03,700 THERE'S A LOT OF TENSION IN HERE. 438 00:27:03,700 --> 00:27:06,833 I MEAN, I JUST WANT YOU TO SUCCEED, AND I THINK YOU CAN. 439 00:27:06,833 --> 00:27:10,667 WE'RE A HEAVY FAMILY. WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN A BIG FAMILY. 440 00:27:10,667 --> 00:27:13,933 BUT NONE OF US HAVE EVER BEEN AS LARGE OR HEAVY 441 00:27:13,933 --> 00:27:15,933 AS YOU AND ALAN WERE. RIGHT. 442 00:27:15,933 --> 00:27:17,467 I'M TELLING YOU TO TELL YOURSELF, 443 00:27:17,467 --> 00:27:18,967 "I HAVE TO PUSH MYSELF." 444 00:27:18,967 --> 00:27:21,567 AND GO TO A GYM AND JUST TAKE WHAT THEY TELL YOU. 445 00:27:21,567 --> 00:27:23,533 'CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW YOU ARE, PAULA. 446 00:27:23,533 --> 00:27:25,633 YOU'VE GOT TO DO IT. 447 00:27:25,633 --> 00:27:28,500 I THINK ONE THING THAT YOU GUYS NEED TO DO, 448 00:27:28,500 --> 00:27:30,967 AND YOU NEED TO DO IT SOON, 449 00:27:30,967 --> 00:27:32,767 YOU GOT TO GET INTO SOME COUNSELING. 450 00:27:32,767 --> 00:27:35,067 I HEARD EVERYTHING YOU SAID. I FEEL YOU. 451 00:27:35,067 --> 00:27:36,433 I JUST DON'T WANT TO SUGARCOAT IT WITH YOU. 452 00:27:36,433 --> 00:27:37,500 I WANT TO KEEP IT REAL. 453 00:27:37,500 --> 00:27:41,200 MY DESIRE IS FOR YOU TO KEEP GOING, 454 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,533 BECAUSE I THINK THAT'S WHAT ALAN WOULD WANT, TOO. 455 00:27:43,533 --> 00:27:48,600 MY SISTER-IN-LAW DOESN'T THINK I'M TRYING, BUT I AM. 456 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,733 SHE DOESN'T REALIZE HOW HARD THIS IS FOR ME. 457 00:27:56,700 --> 00:27:58,867 I'M THE BIRTHDAY GIRL. HAPPY. 458 00:27:58,867 --> 00:28:00,733 TODAY'S SAVANNAH'S BIRTHDAY, 459 00:28:00,733 --> 00:28:03,200 AND I'M HAPPY WE'RE CELEBRATING IT HERE WITH ALL THE FAMILY. 460 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:06,333 [ LAUGHTER ] 461 00:28:07,367 --> 00:28:10,167 LIKE ALL FAMILY GATHERINGS, THERE'S LOTS OF FOOD. 462 00:28:10,167 --> 00:28:12,267 IT'S GONNA BE HARD FOR ME TO RESIST 463 00:28:12,267 --> 00:28:16,400 BECAUSE FOOD IS HAPPINESS, AND THIS IS A HAPPY TIME. 464 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,800 SO, YOU'RE GONNA EAT THAT, AND YOU'RE DONE? 465 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:20,600 MM-HMM. 466 00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:23,067 FOR THE DAY? TILL DINNER. 467 00:28:23,067 --> 00:28:24,367 SHOULDN'T YOU STOP EATING? NO. 468 00:28:24,367 --> 00:28:26,333 IF I'M STILL HUNGRY WHEN I'M DONE, 469 00:28:26,333 --> 00:28:28,233 IF I STILL FEEL LIKE I WANT A LITTLE BIT MORE, I CAN HAVE A LITTLE BIT MORE. 470 00:28:28,233 --> 00:28:29,700 THEN WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? THEN I'LL GET A LITTLE BIT MORE. 471 00:28:29,700 --> 00:28:30,700 BUT IF I DON'T... 472 00:28:35,100 --> 00:28:37,733 PAULA, YOU WANT TO HELP ME, TOO? 473 00:28:37,733 --> 00:28:39,567 HELP YOU DO WHAT? CLEAN UP. 474 00:28:39,567 --> 00:28:41,967 Paula: WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? 475 00:28:41,967 --> 00:28:44,633 YOU GOT TO CARRY THIS STUFF IN. 476 00:28:44,633 --> 00:28:46,367 THERE YOU GO. 477 00:28:46,367 --> 00:28:48,367 MY FAMILY TRIES TO BE SUPPORTIVE, 478 00:28:48,367 --> 00:28:51,233 BUT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT I STILL HAVE SOME LIMITS. 479 00:28:51,233 --> 00:28:54,267 YES, BUT I ALSO HAVE TO HAVE MY HAND TO GET UP THAT RAMP. 480 00:28:54,267 --> 00:28:58,533 THERE YOU GO. WORK IT, GIRL. 481 00:29:01,667 --> 00:29:04,400 SHE'S SUPPOSED TO GET HEALTHIER NOW AND LOSING THE WEIGHT. 482 00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,733 SHE SHOULD HAVE MORE MOBILITY. 483 00:29:06,733 --> 00:29:08,067 THERE MIGHT BE SOME THINGS SHE'S DONE CHANGED, 484 00:29:08,067 --> 00:29:09,433 BUT I'M GONNA TELL YOU. 485 00:29:09,433 --> 00:29:11,667 I DON'T THINK THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS SHE HAD CHANGED 486 00:29:11,667 --> 00:29:13,200 SINCE SHE HAD THE SURGERY. 487 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:14,600 IT'S EVIDENT RIGHT NOW. 488 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,233 'CAUSE SHE SHOULD BE OUT HERE HELPING US CLEAN UP. 489 00:29:16,233 --> 00:29:18,633 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I WORKED ALL DAY, TOO. 490 00:29:18,633 --> 00:29:19,900 MY FEET HURT, TOO. 491 00:29:19,900 --> 00:29:22,100 I'M CHOOSING NOT TO BE PART OF THE CLEANUP CREW. 492 00:29:22,100 --> 00:29:24,600 I'M NOT TIRED. I'M NOT ACHY. I'M NOT ANYTHING. 493 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:28,300 I'M CHOOSING NOT TO BE PART OF IT. I WANNA. 494 00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:29,800 IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN BE LIKE, "MOM, YOU HAD TO DO DA-DA-DA-DA." 495 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:31,833 SHE'S LIKE, "I DON'T HAVE TO DO NOTHING." 496 00:29:31,833 --> 00:29:33,900 THERE'S ALWAYS AN EXCUSE. 497 00:29:33,900 --> 00:29:36,433 IT IS HARD, MADISON, BUT I'M JUST TRYING TO SAY, 498 00:29:36,433 --> 00:29:37,567 KEEP ENCOURAGING HER. 499 00:29:37,567 --> 00:29:40,200 DON'T STOP. 500 00:29:46,067 --> 00:29:48,500 Paula: HEADED TO DR. NOW'S OFFICE FOR A CHECKUP. 501 00:29:48,500 --> 00:29:50,433 I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE IN ABOUT A MONTH. 502 00:29:50,433 --> 00:29:52,733 HOPEFULLY I'VE LOST MORE WEIGHT. 503 00:29:52,733 --> 00:29:55,700 AS LONG AS I HAVEN'T GAINED WEIGHT, ALL'S GOOD. 504 00:30:06,133 --> 00:30:08,567 DOES THAT MEAN I GAINED WEIGHT? 505 00:30:08,567 --> 00:30:10,033 Woman: YES. 506 00:30:10,033 --> 00:30:12,100 THAT SUCKS. 507 00:30:12,100 --> 00:30:15,567 MANAGED TO GAIN A COUPLE POUNDS ON. 508 00:30:15,567 --> 00:30:17,767 I DON'T THINK THAT I'VE EATEN ANY DIFFERENTLY. 509 00:30:17,767 --> 00:30:20,067 I ACTUALLY THINK I'VE EATEN PRETTY MUCH THE SAME. 510 00:30:20,067 --> 00:30:23,300 THE PERCEPTION THAT YOU HAVE THAT "I DON'T EAT VERY MUCH" 511 00:30:23,300 --> 00:30:26,500 NEEDS TO BE CORRELATED WITH THE SCALE, OKAY? 512 00:30:26,500 --> 00:30:31,733 PAULA IS A LITTLE BIT CONCERNING BECAUSE SHE'S NOT LOSING WEIGHT 513 00:30:31,733 --> 00:30:35,400 AND SHE'S TELLING ME THAT SHE'S ALMOST EATING NOTHING. 514 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:39,567 IF YOU EAT NOTHING AND YOU'RE AT HER WEIGHT CATEGORY, 515 00:30:39,567 --> 00:30:42,767 YOU'RE GONNA LOSE ONE OR TWO POUNDS A DAY. 516 00:30:42,767 --> 00:30:45,967 I'M OBVIOUSLY VERY CONFUSED WITH THE FOOD, PERIOD. 517 00:30:45,967 --> 00:30:48,367 I FEEL LIKE I'M EATING WHAT YOU WANT ME TO EAT, 518 00:30:48,367 --> 00:30:50,467 BUT I'M NOT GETTING THE RESULTS. 519 00:30:50,467 --> 00:30:53,333 SO, YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE EATING TOO MUCH, 520 00:30:53,333 --> 00:30:54,700 BUT IN THE MEANTIME, 521 00:30:54,700 --> 00:30:57,967 WE'RE NOT ABLE TO GET YOU TO LOSE ANY WEIGHT, HUH? 522 00:30:57,967 --> 00:31:00,667 THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF THIS PROCESS 523 00:31:00,667 --> 00:31:03,533 IS TO SWITCH TO HEALTHY EATING HABIT. 524 00:31:03,533 --> 00:31:05,800 KEEP WORKING ON IT. 525 00:31:11,833 --> 00:31:14,100 Paula: BECAUSE I FEEL FRUSTRATED. I FEEL UPSET. 526 00:31:17,533 --> 00:31:19,467 I'VE BEEN FEELING A LITTLE DEFEATED, 527 00:31:19,467 --> 00:31:21,533 BUT NOT THAT I WANT TO QUIT. 528 00:31:21,533 --> 00:31:23,067 I JUST WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL, 529 00:31:23,067 --> 00:31:25,533 AND I DON'T KNOW THAT I KNOW HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL. 530 00:31:25,533 --> 00:31:29,633 IT'S PROBABLY THE HARDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE. 531 00:31:34,367 --> 00:31:36,533 Paula: YOU CAN SPEND YOUR LIFE TRYING TO FIGHT THE SYSTEM, 532 00:31:36,533 --> 00:31:38,333 BUT SOONER OR LATER YOU'RE GOING TO REALIZE 533 00:31:38,333 --> 00:31:41,633 THAT THE ONLY THING THAT NEEDS TO CHANGE IS YOU. 534 00:31:52,967 --> 00:31:55,633 MY SISTER-IN-LAW TALKED TO ME ABOUT MY LACK OF ACTIVITY 535 00:31:55,633 --> 00:31:57,833 IN ATLANTA, AND I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT, 536 00:31:57,833 --> 00:31:59,167 AND I'VE TAKEN IT TO HEART. 537 00:31:59,167 --> 00:32:02,067 I'VE DECIDED TO START WORKING OUT IN THE MORNINGS. 538 00:32:02,067 --> 00:32:04,633 WORKING OUT IS A NECESSARY EVIL. 539 00:32:04,633 --> 00:32:06,700 YOU ONLY GET BETTER BY DOING IT. 540 00:32:06,700 --> 00:32:08,633 IT'S KINDA LIKE MATH HOMEWORK. 541 00:32:08,633 --> 00:32:14,133 WORKOUT'S NEVER FUN, BUT IT'S SOMETHING THAT I NEED TO DO. 542 00:32:14,133 --> 00:32:17,067 WE'LL SEE HOW IT GOES. 543 00:32:20,833 --> 00:32:22,533 ALL RIGHT. 544 00:32:22,533 --> 00:32:24,067 WELL, UH, LET'S WARM YOU UP, AND THEN WE'LL GET STARTED. 545 00:32:24,067 --> 00:32:25,200 I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO TODAY. 546 00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:26,300 SO, JUST GO 15 TO WARM UP, 547 00:32:26,300 --> 00:32:27,933 AND WE'RE GONNA PROGRESSIVELY GO UP IN WEIGHT. 548 00:32:27,933 --> 00:32:29,067 AND THEN WE'LL BRING THE PAIN. 549 00:32:29,067 --> 00:32:31,067 5 MORE. 550 00:32:31,067 --> 00:32:32,667 YOU GOT TO AIM THAT FOR YOUR NOSE. 551 00:32:32,667 --> 00:32:34,533 YEAH. 552 00:32:34,533 --> 00:32:38,533 WORKING OUT FOR SOMEONE WHO'S SUPER OBESE IS HARD. 553 00:32:38,533 --> 00:32:40,233 I'M EXTREMELY OUT OF SHAPE. 554 00:32:40,233 --> 00:32:43,067 EXCELLENT. 555 00:32:43,067 --> 00:32:45,067 TRY TO INHALE THROUGH YOUR NOSE AND EXHALE THROUGH YOUR MOUTH. 556 00:32:45,067 --> 00:32:48,900 IT SEEMS LIKE I HIT A WALL WHEN I'M WORKING OUT 557 00:32:48,900 --> 00:32:52,533 AND THE WORLD SPINS AND MY FEET FEEL HEAVY. 558 00:32:52,533 --> 00:32:56,533 I DON'T LIKE THAT FEELING BECAUSE SOMETHING'S WRONG. 559 00:32:56,533 --> 00:32:57,867 NOW, YOU'RE JUST GONNA HOLD THE BALL RIGHT HERE. 560 00:32:57,867 --> 00:33:01,200 YOU'RE GONNA STAND UP, PRESS UP, BRING IT DOWN. 561 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:02,133 I CAN'T BREATHE. 562 00:33:02,133 --> 00:33:03,633 ALL RIGHT. CATCH YOUR BREATH. 563 00:33:03,633 --> 00:33:06,667 THIS IS GONNA TAKE TIME. IT'S GONNA TAKE TIME. 564 00:33:06,667 --> 00:33:08,400 DO TRY TO KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN IF YOU CAN, THOUGH. 565 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,700 I CAN'T. EVERYTHING'S SPINNING. 566 00:33:13,567 --> 00:33:15,767 IS IT GETTING WORSE? YES. 567 00:33:15,767 --> 00:33:18,133 OKAY. 568 00:33:18,133 --> 00:33:20,133 I HATE FEELING WEAK. 569 00:33:20,133 --> 00:33:22,900 SOME PEOPLE WERE BORN TO WORK OUT. 570 00:33:22,900 --> 00:33:25,533 I'M NOT ONE OF THEM. 571 00:33:25,533 --> 00:33:29,067 DUDE, I'M GONNA PASS OUT. 572 00:33:29,067 --> 00:33:32,300 BECAUSE SHE'S AT THE VERY BEGINNING STEPS OF WORKING OUT, 573 00:33:32,300 --> 00:33:35,767 PAULA IS FEELING NAUSEA, DIZZINESS, AND WHATNOT. 574 00:33:35,767 --> 00:33:36,900 I GOT YOU, GIRL. 575 00:33:36,900 --> 00:33:38,233 MNH. 576 00:33:38,233 --> 00:33:40,933 IT'S A PROCESS, AND RIGHT NOW, WE'RE IN KINDERGARTEN, 577 00:33:40,933 --> 00:33:42,867 AND OUR GOAL IS TO GET TO COLLEGE. 578 00:33:42,867 --> 00:33:45,267 AS SHE GETS MORE AND MORE INTO HER WORKOUTS, 579 00:33:45,267 --> 00:33:48,067 THE SYMPTOMS WILL SUBSIDE, EVENTUALLY. 580 00:33:48,067 --> 00:33:50,700 [ BREATHES DEEPLY ] 581 00:33:50,700 --> 00:33:53,300 THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE WORKED OUT. 582 00:33:53,300 --> 00:33:54,900 I'M NOT QUITE READY FOR ALL THIS RIGHT NOW. 583 00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:00,633 AS I WORK OUT MORE, MY BODY SHOULD BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT. 584 00:34:00,633 --> 00:34:03,367 CAN I GET A BURRITO AND A CUP OF ICE? 585 00:34:03,367 --> 00:34:06,967 THANK YOU. 586 00:34:27,267 --> 00:34:30,667 IT'S NORMAL IN MY FAMILY TO HOLD THINGS IN 587 00:34:30,667 --> 00:34:33,067 AND NOT DEAL WITH THEM. 588 00:34:33,067 --> 00:34:36,833 IT'S HARD TO CARRY AROUND THESE EMOTIONS. 589 00:34:36,833 --> 00:34:39,900 YOU GET TO THE POINT WHERE YOU GO NUMB. 590 00:34:39,900 --> 00:34:44,067 I DON'T THINK I'LL BE SUCCESSFUL IF I JUST HEAL MY BODY. 591 00:34:44,067 --> 00:34:46,500 I'VE GOT TO HEAL MY HEAD. 592 00:34:51,733 --> 00:34:52,900 HI, HOW ARE YOU? 593 00:34:52,900 --> 00:34:55,800 PAULA, WELCOME. IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. 594 00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,200 COME ON BACK. 595 00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:01,600 WHAT MAKES YOU READY FOR CHANGE NOW, OF ALL TIMES? 596 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:03,367 I THINK A LOT OF THINGS IN MY LIFE HAD LED ME 597 00:35:03,367 --> 00:35:05,833 UP TO THE POINT WHERE I THOUGHT I WAS READY BEFORE AND PROBABLY WASN'T. 598 00:35:05,833 --> 00:35:11,900 AND MY HUSBAND DIED, AND SO NOW IT'S MY JOB TO PROTECT MY KIDS, 599 00:35:11,900 --> 00:35:13,900 TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS, BE THERE FOR MY KIDS. 600 00:35:13,900 --> 00:35:15,700 I'M NOT GETTING YOUNGER, 601 00:35:15,700 --> 00:35:17,767 AND WHERE I'M AT AND WHERE I WANT TO BE 602 00:35:17,767 --> 00:35:20,067 AND WHERE I WOULD LIKE TO GO, I'M NOT THERE. 603 00:35:20,067 --> 00:35:21,200 RIGHT. 604 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:22,700 NOW, DO YOU FEEL LIKE IN TERMS OF THE WEIGHT, 605 00:35:22,700 --> 00:35:24,667 HAS IT TAKEN ENOUGH OF ITS TOLL ON YOU? 606 00:35:24,667 --> 00:35:27,167 YEAH. 607 00:35:27,167 --> 00:35:29,333 THE WEIGHT IS A SYMPTOM, AND YOU RECOGNIZE THAT, RIGHT, 608 00:35:29,333 --> 00:35:30,567 OF SOMETHING MORE. 609 00:35:30,567 --> 00:35:35,067 IT'S A SYMPTOM OF AN EMOTIONAL OBSTACLE OVER THE YEARS. 610 00:35:35,067 --> 00:35:37,267 IN TERMS OF THE WEIGHT GAIN, WHAT WOULD EXPLAIN 611 00:35:37,267 --> 00:35:41,633 THE EMOTIONAL EATING IN THOSE EARLY YEARS? 612 00:35:43,933 --> 00:35:46,700 I'VE BEEN OVERWEIGHT SINCE I WAS MOLESTED. 613 00:35:46,700 --> 00:35:48,367 AND HOW OLD WERE YOU THEN? 614 00:35:48,367 --> 00:35:50,833 5 OR 6. 615 00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:54,800 AND SO, THE PHYSICAL IS A REFLECTION. 616 00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:58,733 IS THAT FAIR THAT YOU SHOULD CONTINUE THE ABUSE ON YOURSELF? 617 00:35:58,733 --> 00:36:02,533 A REALITY, BUT NOT FAIR. 618 00:36:02,533 --> 00:36:06,067 REALLY, THERE'S NO WAY AROUND THE PAIN. 619 00:36:06,067 --> 00:36:08,367 WE'RE GONNA GO THROUGH IT. 620 00:36:08,367 --> 00:36:10,900 SO MUCH OF OUR ANGER IS STUFFED AND BURIED. 621 00:36:10,900 --> 00:36:13,300 HOW MUCH OF THIS HAVE YOU BEEN STUFFING 622 00:36:13,300 --> 00:36:15,267 THAT YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO LOOK AT? 623 00:36:15,267 --> 00:36:17,467 RIGHT NOW, I'M [CHUCKLES] 624 00:36:17,467 --> 00:36:21,467 ANGER, RIGHT NOW, IS WHAT I'M FEELING. 625 00:36:21,467 --> 00:36:23,667 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 626 00:36:23,667 --> 00:36:26,467 IN OTHER WORDS, YOU GET TO INTERPRET LIFE FOR YOURSELF, 627 00:36:26,467 --> 00:36:29,067 TO TELL YOURSELF WHAT YOUR EXPERIENCES MEAN TO YOU. 628 00:36:29,067 --> 00:36:30,933 YOU DECIDE. 629 00:36:30,933 --> 00:36:32,767 WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU WAS INTOLERABLE. 630 00:36:32,767 --> 00:36:36,167 BUT DOES THAT MEAN THAT IT SHOULD BE THIS BURDEN 631 00:36:36,167 --> 00:36:37,733 AND WEIGHT ON YOUR SOUL YOUR WHOLE LIFE? 632 00:36:41,733 --> 00:36:43,733 Paula: I DIDN'T REALIZE THERE ARE SOME THINGS IN MY PAST 633 00:36:43,733 --> 00:36:46,600 STILL HOLDING ME BACK. 634 00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:49,100 I'M CARRYING A LOT OF ANGER AROUND. 635 00:36:49,100 --> 00:36:52,367 I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST BECAUSE ALAN PASSED AWAY. 636 00:36:52,367 --> 00:36:56,433 BUT I DON'T THINK I'LL BE SUCCESSFUL IN LOSING WEIGHT 637 00:36:56,433 --> 00:37:01,300 IF I DON'T DEAL WITH THESE INNER EMOTIONS THAT HAVE BEEN BURIED. 638 00:37:01,300 --> 00:37:05,067 IT'S AN AMAZING FEELING TO FINALLY UNDERSTAND THAT. 639 00:37:10,067 --> 00:37:12,067 AFTER SEEING THE COUNSELOR, 640 00:37:12,067 --> 00:37:14,900 I FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING THE STEPS TO MOVE FORWARD. 641 00:37:14,900 --> 00:37:17,100 I'M DONE MAKING EXCUSES. 642 00:37:28,333 --> 00:37:31,900 I'VE LOST A TOTAL OF 19 POUNDS IN THE LAST MONTH. 643 00:37:31,900 --> 00:37:34,633 BUT IT WASN'T MY GOAL. 644 00:37:38,567 --> 00:37:40,667 HEY, PAULA. Paula: HOW ARE YOU? 645 00:37:40,667 --> 00:37:41,567 HOW ARE YOU? 646 00:37:41,567 --> 00:37:42,900 I'M ALL RIGHT. 647 00:37:42,900 --> 00:37:45,700 SO, WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU? 648 00:37:45,700 --> 00:37:49,067 ACCORDING WHAT YOU SAID I SHOULD BE LOSING, I'M NOT LOSING IT. 649 00:37:49,067 --> 00:37:51,133 YOU'RE DOING GOOD. SO DON'T GIVE UP ON IT. 650 00:37:51,133 --> 00:37:53,800 DON'T FEEL FRUSTRATED. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE UPS AND DOWNS. 651 00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:57,067 BUT THE WHOLE IDEA IS TO STICK WITH IT. 652 00:37:57,067 --> 00:37:59,133 PAULA IS MAKING SOME PROGRESS. 653 00:38:05,433 --> 00:38:07,533 JUST STICK WITH IT. DON'T GIVE UP. 654 00:38:07,533 --> 00:38:08,867 I'M NOT GONNA GIVE UP. 655 00:38:08,867 --> 00:38:09,933 ALL RIGHT. GREAT. 656 00:38:09,933 --> 00:38:11,433 YOU'RE DOING GOOD. 657 00:38:14,067 --> 00:38:15,433 Paula: I THINK DR. NOW IS RIGHT. 658 00:38:15,433 --> 00:38:18,500 YOU GOTTA BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND GETTING MOTIVATED. 659 00:38:18,500 --> 00:38:20,267 YOU HAVE TO. 660 00:38:26,067 --> 00:38:30,700 Paula: YOU HAVE TO KNOW TRUE DESPAIR IN ORDER TO KNOW TRUE GRACE. 661 00:38:30,700 --> 00:38:34,533 BUT IN THE END, LIFE IS ABOUT BOTH. 662 00:38:47,367 --> 00:38:50,800 I GAVE MYSELF A GOAL THAT ONCE I LOST 100 POUNDS 663 00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:53,300 THAT I WAS GONNA DYE MY HAIR. 664 00:38:53,300 --> 00:38:54,800 SO, IT'S TIME. 665 00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:59,133 I FEEL LIKE I'VE MADE A POSITIVE STEP. 666 00:38:59,133 --> 00:39:00,767 I FEEL LIKE I'VE TURNED ANOTHER LEAF, 667 00:39:00,767 --> 00:39:02,600 AND I WANT TO REFLECT THAT ON MY OUTSIDE AGAIN. 668 00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:05,300 [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] 669 00:39:09,067 --> 00:39:11,233 I AM MORE MOTIVATED 670 00:39:11,233 --> 00:39:13,733 THAN ANYONE I'VE EVER KNOWN IN GOING TO COUNSELING 671 00:39:13,733 --> 00:39:15,167 BECAUSE I JUST WANT A RELEASE 672 00:39:15,167 --> 00:39:17,767 OF THE FEELINGS THAT I STILL HAVE STORED INSIDE. 673 00:39:17,767 --> 00:39:19,200 I THOUGHT MAYBE WE'D JUST CHECK IN 674 00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:20,767 IN TERMS WITH THE LOSS OF YOUR HUSBAND. 675 00:39:20,767 --> 00:39:24,067 ANY OF THAT GRIEF THAT'S STILL HOLDING YOU BACK TODAY? 676 00:39:24,067 --> 00:39:26,800 NO, BECAUSE I THINK THAT I'M ACKNOWLEDGING IT MORE. 677 00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:30,733 AND SO I'M NOT JUST BURYING IT. I'M FEELING IT. 678 00:39:30,733 --> 00:39:32,067 YOU'RE GOING THROUGH IT. YOU'RE FACING IT. 679 00:39:32,067 --> 00:39:34,067 RIGHT. IT'S NOT CONTROLLING ME ANY MORE. 680 00:39:34,067 --> 00:39:35,400 IN TERMS OF THE MOLESTATION, 681 00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:38,367 WHAT WOULD IT TAKE TO GET TO SOME FINAL CLOSURE ON THAT? 682 00:39:38,367 --> 00:39:40,900 I'VE LIVED WITH THOSE CONSEQUENCES NOW 683 00:39:40,900 --> 00:39:42,300 FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS. 684 00:39:42,300 --> 00:39:45,733 AND I CAN'T CARRY IT ANYMORE. 685 00:39:45,733 --> 00:39:46,700 I'VE LET IT GO. 686 00:39:46,700 --> 00:39:48,600 CAN I HEAR YOU SAY THAT AGAIN? 687 00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,533 I'VE LET IT GO. I'M TAKING WEIGHT OFF. 688 00:39:51,533 --> 00:39:53,233 I'M TAKING STRESS OFF. 689 00:39:53,233 --> 00:39:56,367 SO, I CAN'T HOLD ONTO IT ANYMORE. 690 00:39:56,367 --> 00:40:02,333 YOU'VE ALREADY MADE STEPS THAT PROVE TO ME YOU'RE THERE. 691 00:40:02,333 --> 00:40:05,300 IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME. YOU WILL REACH YOUR GOAL. 692 00:40:05,300 --> 00:40:07,233 I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. 693 00:40:07,233 --> 00:40:09,000 I FEEL LIKE I MADE ANOTHER BREAKTHROUGH. 694 00:40:10,333 --> 00:40:12,033 I'M NOWHERE CLOSE TO WHERE I NEED TO BE, 695 00:40:12,033 --> 00:40:15,267 BUT AT LEAST I CAN SEE A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. 696 00:40:20,167 --> 00:40:22,967 WE ARE GOING TO SEE DR. NOW. 697 00:40:22,967 --> 00:40:24,467 I GOT TO SAY THAT RIGHT NOW, 698 00:40:24,467 --> 00:40:27,133 MY FOCUS IS PROBABLY BETTER THAN IT'S EVER BEEN. 699 00:40:28,633 --> 00:40:30,533 WHOO-HOO! 700 00:40:30,533 --> 00:40:32,333 I CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE IN MY HEALTH THAT I'M DOING BETTER. 701 00:40:32,333 --> 00:40:33,600 I CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE IN MY EXERCISE, 702 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,167 THAT I'M GOING LONGER AND LASTING LONGER. 703 00:40:36,167 --> 00:40:37,933 WE'RE GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. 704 00:40:40,267 --> 00:40:43,933 ALL RIGHT. COME ALONG. 705 00:40:43,933 --> 00:40:47,367 HEY, PAULA. HOW ARE YOU? GOOD, HOW ARE YOU? 706 00:40:47,367 --> 00:40:50,900 SO, YOU'RE DOWN TO 390 POUNDS, HUH? 707 00:40:50,900 --> 00:40:51,967 YES, SIR. 708 00:40:51,967 --> 00:40:53,533 FINALLY, YOU GOT THE RIGHT TRACK. 709 00:40:53,533 --> 00:40:55,567 IT JUST TOOK ME A WHILE, BUT I'M GETTING IT, AND I'M GETTING THERE. 710 00:40:55,567 --> 00:40:57,533 Dr. Nowzaradan: I THINK PAULA'S DOING VERY WELL. 711 00:40:57,533 --> 00:40:59,100 I THINK SHE'S GONNA BE OKAY. 712 00:40:59,100 --> 00:41:00,667 THANK YOU. 713 00:41:00,667 --> 00:41:03,533 Paula: IT'S BEEN A LONG JOURNEY. I'M PROUD OF MYSELF. 714 00:41:03,533 --> 00:41:05,200 AND I THINK I'M DOING BETTER. 715 00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:08,333 AND I THINK THAT ALAN WOULD AGREE. 716 00:41:21,467 --> 00:41:24,167 THE GIRLS AND I ARE GOING TO MEET WITH A TRAINER 717 00:41:24,167 --> 00:41:26,500 SO THAT WE CAN DO A WORKOUT AS A FAMILY. 718 00:41:26,500 --> 00:41:28,967 PARENTS NEED TO MODEL THEIR BEHAVIOR. 719 00:41:28,967 --> 00:41:30,200 I CAN'T JUST TALK ABOUT IT. 720 00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:32,233 I HAVE TO BE ABOUT IT, AND I NEED TO SHOW THEM 721 00:41:32,233 --> 00:41:34,900 WHAT I'M DOING AND ALLOW THEM TO BE PART OF IT. 722 00:41:34,900 --> 00:41:37,400 PART OF THIS JOURNEY WAS TO BE A BETTER MOM 723 00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:38,700 AND TO BE MORE ACTIVE. 724 00:41:38,700 --> 00:41:39,767 HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING TODAY? 725 00:41:39,767 --> 00:41:41,633 AND I THINK I'M DOING THAT. 726 00:41:41,633 --> 00:41:42,700 HIGH FIVE. 727 00:41:42,700 --> 00:41:43,833 AND IF YOU'RE LEANING BACK, 728 00:41:43,833 --> 00:41:45,133 YOU STILL HAVE TO CONTROL MORE ON THE WAY BACK. 729 00:41:45,133 --> 00:41:46,967 THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME WE WORKED OUT AS A FAMILY 730 00:41:46,967 --> 00:41:49,700 IN ORDER TO SET THE EXAMPLE FOR MY CHILDREN. 731 00:41:49,700 --> 00:41:53,333 I THINK IT WAS IMPORTANT FOR THEM TO SEE ME DOING IT. 732 00:41:53,333 --> 00:41:56,667 IT'S BEEN EIGHT YEARS SINCE I WAS ABLE TO DO 733 00:41:56,667 --> 00:41:58,067 A LOT OF THE THINGS THAT I'M DOING NOW. 734 00:41:58,067 --> 00:42:00,900 4 MORE. 4 MORE. 735 00:42:00,900 --> 00:42:03,400 I DO NOT THINK MY MOM WOULD HAVE DONE THIS A YEAR AGO. 736 00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:05,200 I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT THAT SHE'S TRYING. 737 00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:06,467 I AM PROUD OF MY MOM. 738 00:42:06,467 --> 00:42:08,900 SHE'S CAME A LONG WAY FROM WHERE SHE WAS, 739 00:42:08,900 --> 00:42:11,067 SO I'M VERY PROUD THAT SHE COULD TAKE THAT STEP. 740 00:42:11,067 --> 00:42:14,733 Paula: IT MIGHT BE SLOWER THAN I WANT, 741 00:42:14,733 --> 00:42:17,100 BUT I'M STILL MOVING TOWARDS MY GOAL. 742 00:42:17,100 --> 00:42:19,933 I'M IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL. 743 00:42:19,933 --> 00:42:21,067 Jonathan: GOOD JOB TODAY. 744 00:42:21,067 --> 00:42:22,900 THANK YOU. 745 00:42:22,900 --> 00:42:25,100 WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR NOW, 746 00:42:25,100 --> 00:42:28,867 I SEE SOMEONE WHO'S BEAUTIFUL, SOMEONE WHO'S HAPPIER. 747 00:42:28,867 --> 00:42:31,300 I'M STARTING TO LIKE ME.